﷽

Excerpt from journal:

PRE HAJJ:

As I began my Hajj journey, I often remember the words of my elders: “Not just anyone goes to Hajj,” they’d say. It was a calling, an invitation to the House of God, one that I have eagerly accepted. At the young age of 20, it never occurred to me that my time would come. It’s not something I planned for nor ever envisioned. Therefore, God’s plan is truly greater than mine.

As I write this post, I’ve had no sleep and am quite hungry, so bear with me. Not the best traveling habits, but I can’t help it. I have a 15-hour flight waiting for me and nothing to do but sleep on the plane. Hajj technically is only five days, from the eighth of Dhul-Hijjah to the thirteenth; however, preparation for it began two months ago. Most of it was mental, a lot of it spiritual, and a few parts physical. The first step is to make the intention to perform Hajj, and the second is to ask for an accepted Hajj, Mabrur, inshallah. When it finally sank in that this trip was really happening, one verse in the Quran stuck with me:

إِنَّا لِلَّٰهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ

Indeed, to Allah we belong and to Him we return [2:156]

Journey of a lifetime, and although this may scare many people, I can’t help but think of this as a one-way journey with high hopes but no expectation of return. There is no guarantee in this life, and that’s finally sinking in. It’s quite hard not to get emotional or sentimental as I am about to board the plane in a few hours.

Grateful for all the individuals in my life, whether they be my neighbors or those on the other side of the world. These relationships and friendships are what provide a sense of community, people to call your own and those who extend their kindness simply out of love. I thank you all for the gentle words, duas for a safe journey, and the beautiful gifts I carry with me. As you all have a place in my memory and a part of my heart, it’s unquestionable that blessings will follow your way. They already started calling me Hajjiah lol; may that be the case, inshallah.

Farewell my peeps.

POST HAJJ:

You ask me how Hajj is, and I can’t explain it in one word. Was it amazing, fun, difficult, frightening? It was all this and much more. Hajj is, as people like to say, a calling to the House of God. People who have the finances and desire to go always find a reason why they are unable, while many others use all their income, sell everything they possess, and embark on this great journey.

A friend of mine once made a comparison, suggesting that Hajj resembles idol worship because of Muslims circling the Kaaba, and I’ve even asked myself if this was so. However, as the Hajj began, my answer unfolded on its own. This experience is far more spiritual than physical. We spent hours per day reciting Quran, praying sunnah salaats, helping our elders, and showing kindness to one another, all for the sake of Allah. Selfless acts of worship were everywhere. Everyone recognizes they are on blessed soil; therefore, Hajj is actually Kalimat Tawheed, a declaration of the Oneness of God. Every step we take, every action we perform, is because we believe in the Creator. The rituals of Hajj are not just things we made up and started performing; rather, these are steps shown to us by Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. When we make tawaf around the Kaaba, it is not to worship it but to honor the House of God and show our utmost respect.

In the beginning, I found everything to be very easy. “Where was the struggle?” I kept asking. “This doesn’t feel like Hajj.” Yet in my last days, Allah showed me everything I was asking for, to the point where I regretted my words lol. I experienced it in its difficulty and cried for mercy. All praise is to God.

My favorite day of all was Arafah. I felt like I was a monk because everyone at the camp was quiet; some sitting, others standing, all of us with our hands raised to the sky, praying our deepest prayers.

Throughout this trip, I often laughed to myself. One of the fundamental aspects of Hajj is, as Allah mentions in the Quran, that we shall not fight nor argue. Patience is the key here, and I laugh because the most important aspect is the one that seems impossible. Millions of people in one small area, sharing the same ground, tents, bathrooms, transportation, and most desired of all, the Kaaba, Baytullah. With all these people, tensions rise quickly. Many come without proper knowledge and observe little patience. They push and shove, cut lines, and yeah, I can’t count the times I almost got knocked down while making tawaf. The ultimate test is to stay patient. “Don’t waste your Hajj,” everyone says, and alhamdulilah, through this I’ve learned that I am quite patient and calm in such crowded situations.

Although my favorite day was Arafah, what captured my heart was all the young people who helped the elders. From every nation, elders were being assisted in their steps by those who were blessed with the ability. It was amazing to see cute little old people taking their time as they made tawaf and always having someone holding their hand.

Many of you may wonder if this trip has changed me. How can it not? But perhaps not in the ways we may all assume. I now realize only three things are necessary in life: water, a nice bathroom, and shade. The rest is all extra. Alhamdulilah for finding pleasure in Allah’s way and achieving contentment at such a young age. Now when I pray, I can imagine the Kaaba in front of me. That feeling is priceless ♥

Peace and blessings upon the Nabi of Allah.